beware that i dont like taking my tumblr this personal (basically i’m trying to talk to ppl i dont know who they are just as i would do with a psychologist), so if you dont wanna feel like knowing my pain, just jump this post and read my reflections, not my inside.
its not every day that you wake up feeling like you couldn’t ask for anything else.. while i was jogging yesterday, i really felt like that. even if i had some lil’ things that could bother me, all that i ever wanted was happening.
the things is, thats when the movie is supposed to end ! and so, we are gonna watch what happens after you see you have everything and can finally stay happy with yourself at least for a while. The problem is that when fairytales ends, reality starts.. and reality, mainly, is shown to you based in EVERYTHING that contradicts your own wishes.
yesterday morning, i really believed i was in the end of fairytale state of mind, but didnt realize it would become reality that soon. besides everything that happened, i was finally proposed with (simplifying) this question : do you wanna share, or have nothing ?
in a way or another, i’m gonna suffer. sharing is kinda the same of having nothing in situations like these. maybe i’m weak, but just now , talking to my friend, i realized how passive i was being, how cool i was trying to accept on the conditions and never imposing my wants, my needs, and my limits.
my day was a shit, my mind is now a shit, and all i wanted to be able to say was fuck it. but thats not me ! i cant be only friends with somebody i trully like and started to have a relation (not in my mind, i’m not a freak. that means, both knew what they were doing).
i wont be someone be someone i’m not, i’m already suffering, and i knew that it would happen sometime. i dont wanna anyone to be forced to something.
am i wrong and weird ? or is everybody else ? - cant i just be able to really like someone and this someone like me ? one month is not THAT fast to start even being jealous of this person. if both are jealous of each other, why does one them want to make both suffer, because his wish is to be free ? what is the point of corresponding a relation if you dont want it to go further ? is this why 10 out of 10 ppl i talked about this asked me if this person was bipolar ?
i really believe its just fear .. but maybe its time for accept and go back to reality. maybe reality will make me better, reality will stop me from having moments like when a girl come up to me and said: ‘oh you friend like took long to hook up with my friend’ , and then i have the shame to answer ‘whoa, thats like the person i’m together…..’
does my monster really deserve this ? did i give his time to this waste ? did time meant also heart ?
bbye fairytale, you were good for one month.
